Joke News Release

This is a tasteless farce. Don't take it at all seriously. I insist.

PATRI FRIEDMAN TAKING LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM STANFORD

Cleared for Immediate Release.

AP WIRE:  This just in from our Palo Alto news feed.  Patri Friedman,
star of such hit media events as "Patri Goes to Budapest" and "Patri
Does Europe, 98", has announced that he is taking a leave of absence
from the prestigious Stanford University.  Citing a "Surprising absence
of high quality babes in the Computer Science department" and the "Lack
of local high-THC strains", he expressed his ennuiatic dissatisfaction
in a characteristically witty and verbose manner by saying:

"Fuck this school shit." 

When asked about his plans for the future, he replied:  "What future?
The big Two Zero Zero is coming, man, there ain't no future."  He expects
to prepare for the coming apocalypse via the transcendental method of
"sitting around all day smoking weed and watching the Cartoon Network."
He claims that only such a nihilistic approach can provide the flexibility
and open-mindedness needed to deal with the harsh realities with which
mankind will be confronted as he enters the new millenium.

Critics say that this irreverent behavior is the typical blend of
indolence, cannabis, and meandering rationalization that we can expect
from this  generation of lazy trust-fund gen-xers.  "MTV.  Thats the real
root of this  problem.  Its worse than epilepsy, what it does to our kids.
The wild hair,  crazy makeup, and screwball antics - they're like clowns,
but with a catchy  beat!"  Mr. Friedman refused to reply in any language
but Hungarian, insisting emphatically "Mi a pokol?  A francba.  A francba!
A FRANCBA!"

Expounding further on the "babe" problem, he explained "You'd think, with
all those erotic newsgroups served from the computer science department 
machines, which are just chock-full of wanton women doing digusted and 
perverted things, that they'd have a few women like Randi and Bambi and
Cindi wandering the halls looking lonely and lustful.  You'd think books
would be for hiding south-of-the-border self-stimulation during class.
You'd think pens would be for seductively sucking.  You'd think glasses
would be for that slutty bookworm look, or for taking off and idly
tonguing.  Instead they READ  the books, WRITE with the pens, and WEAR the
glasses.  I feel cheated."

When asked to realistically consider his marketable skills, Mr. Friedman 
pointed to a letter on his wall from the DMV, and said proudly "See!  The 
state of California considers me "negligent".  Surely thats marketable!"
He  then showed us a green, pungent ribbon with some Dutch writing on it
and mumbled something about taking first place in the duration event at
an  Amsterdam bong-hitting contest.  He wouldn't say another word until he
had demonstrated his skills, and insisted that we act as his competitors.
Most of the remainder of our notes were either indecipherable scrawls or
cryptic comments like "Robert Anton Wilson - Christ or Antichrist?" and
"Must try to derive Scooby Snack recipe from first principles!"

Our crew is still recovering.

(c) AA Wire Service, Inc. and Patri Friedman

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Last Modified: The Closing Days of The Millenium