Patri's Journal: Current
This is Patri's current journal. It is kept on LiveJournal as patrissimo, but you are reading the archived copy on patrifriedman.com.
Amusing personal services (comment on this entry at LiveJournal)
Entry Date: 2004-07-03 13:54:00
Logged: 2004-07-03 13:57:18
Current Mood: recovering
Current Music: Metallica-...And Justice For All-One
Can be found in this column. Examples:
For £500 including paint I will come round your house and cover it in graffiti. No Problem. If you live outside London zones 1+2 then I will need travel expenses and a 6 pack of Grolsh to drink on the train journey.
Guilty? Innocent? It's all the same to me. For a fee of 500 pounds a time I will lie to the police about your whereabouts, and for 2000, I will perjure myself in court, and swear a testimony to a fictitious scenario of your choice.
For a price, I will think of you and only you every time I commit acts of self-love during a time period. I will picture you in my mind, and pretend that all pleasurable touches come from your hands...For $400 extra, the next time I actually get laid, I will scream your name at the height of passion. I will pretend it is you, and I will think of you the entire time.
Anything For Love: I will do anything for love - but I won't do that. Paypal accepted. (MeatLoaf)
Better late than never: Post-Natal Abortions. Already past the 3rd Trimester? No problem. The fetus developed to the stage of Puberty? No problem. Is it in a position to have an abortion of its own? No problem. Our procedures are expertly done in the privacy and safety of our state-of-the-art clinic. Patients receive immaculate care and attention from our well-trained and board certified staff. We're here to fix the mistake you should have fixed all those years ago.
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